Wie man Teenager am besten erzieht? Eine harte Hand oder ein lockerer Ansatz?

How to educate teenagers is a question that many parents ask themselves. A hard hand or a relaxed approach - which method is best suited for the upbringing of teenagers?

It is important to note that every child is unique and has different needs. What kind of child works cannot be the right choice for another. Therefore, there is no clear answer to the question of whether you should raise teenagers strictly or easily.


Too strong focus on strict can lead to conflicts and distance between parents and children. Teenagers who grow up under a very authoritarian education can reed and lose their own identity.

On the other hand, a too relaxed approach can lead to the fact that children have no clear rules and limits. Without a fixed structure, you can feel lost and uncertain.

In order for teenagers to know what their parents expect from them, they need clear limits and rules. These should be decided together and apply to everyone in the family.

A combination of strict and relaxing can be the best solution. It is important to set clear rules and expectations, but also to give understanding and freedom in order to promote the development of self -confidence and your own identity.

People in general want to adapt and are strongly shaped by peers, especially in childhood and adolescence. Disputes with parents increase in intensity during puberty, but most teenagers admit that they still love and respect their parents. Friends and colleagues have a strong influence on their behavior and their social life takes up a large extent. The exclusion or prohibition of certain excursions with friends can be extremely painful and have serious consequences.

The influence of parents and friends is complementary. Both are important and necessary. Young people learn from their parents: education, discipline, charity, responsibility, order and authority. And from friends: cooperation on how to gain popularity and how to develop your interaction.


Communication is an important aspect in the upbringing of teenagers. It is important to listen to you and take your opinions and feelings into account. Open and honest communication can avoid conflicts and strengthen the relationship between parents and children.

Educators advise parents to ask children about their opinions and to take their views into account when deciding important family matters.


Parents should also check their own expectations and be realistic. Teenagers make mistakes and develop at their own pace. It is important to help them instead of criticizing and evaluating them.

Children and adolescents can react differently to criticism. It is important to take your perspective and your feelings into account. A positive, supportive relationship between parents and children can contribute to the fact that criticism is better accepted and leads to an improvement in behavior.

Parents are not friends

The parents are often very troubled to be the best friends of the child.A widespread behavior is the buddy appearance of many parents. Experts strongly advise against this. The parents Tell the children all the stories and problems in everyday life and often treat them like peers. First of all, the children are not grown up and secondly they don't see the parents as best friends. Due to the development, children are simply not so far that they understand all aspects, thoughts and problems of the adult world and get along with them, even if we would like to believe it. Parents have responsibility and should keep this responsibility.

Emotional incest

For example, if parents keep their children from friendships with the same age with the same age, promote them, promote them, do not leave the child privacy, treat it like a partner and overwhelm them.

Emotional incest relates to close and inappropriate emotional dependence between siblings or between parents and children, which can affect healthy development and emotional intimacy. It is a form of emotional abuse in which one parent or sibling is emotionally attacked, manipulative or exploitative and a close bond is that is harmful to the other. Emotional incest can lead to a variety of problems, including low self -esteem, emotional dependency, lack of social skills and even depression. It is important that people who are in such a situation are looking for professional help to meet their emotional needs and build a healthy relationship with their family members.


It is important to have a certain control in education to support children. However, control should not be too strong or inappropriate, as this can affect the child's self -esteem and independence. It is important to find a healthy balance that enables the child to take responsibility, to expand their freedoms and to be carried out appropriately at the same time.

It is important to remember that young people have different needs and that the nature and scope of an appropriate supervision from child to child can vary. It would also be good for us parents if we could assess ourselves and ask ourselves whether certain exaggerated behaviors, abusive protective measures, forms of punishment or excessive demands are taken over by our parents and now passed on. If we are not sure, we can contact a psychotherapist or Life Coach to clarify. A good approach for parents is to rethink their own educational philosophy, to be open to feedback and adjustments and to keep an eye on the child's well -being. This also shows that adults should only visit their offspring in discos and other meeting points with friends in an emergency.

Psychology refers to several stages of psychosocial evolution. According to Erikson's theory, one of them says that teenagers between the ages of 13 and 20 work to refine their self -confidence by testing different roles and then combining them. They oscillate between several identities or do not even know who they are.

Teenagers must be allowed to experiment: behavior, change clothes, hairstyles, friends. This is the only way to learn and understand who they really are. The teenager has to test boundaries and new directions that he has not yet known and has not yet seen in the family. You also have to be patient with him, because discipline, calm, respect you learn with time and in tangible examples. We cannot ask for our children to be born in a disciplined, correct, attentive and respectful manner, especially if we have defects in these chapters. In addition, from the same age, friends and school, from a certain age, they have a major impact on teenage development.

How best to educate teenagers?

Finally, it can be said that there is no simple answer to the question of how to best educate teenagers. Every child is unique and it is important to find a balance between strict and relaxing in order to create the best possible environment for the development and growth of the child.

The parent-talent relationship is like a dance in which everyone gives something and learns from each other, including parents from the children. Children are a gift and often press the buttons that bring us parents one step further in our personal development. We just have to be open and understand the messages we receive.

Puberty is an extremely difficult time for parents and children. It must be tackled with care and sensitivity. There is no general recipe for education, but a parent-child relationship that is based on mutual respect, unconditional love, communication, tolerance and trust is certainly the basis for the formation of a confident and happy teenager. Our children are not our projects. You have your own life and you have the right to live it as you want! You will be fine if you have parents who are doing well, and if they get respect and unconditional love!

Written by Mara Schär

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