Wie man Teenager am besten erzieht? Eine harte Hand oder ein lockerer Ansatz?
How to raise teenagers is a question many parents ask. A hard hand or a relaxed approach - which method is best for parenting?

It is important to note that every child is unique and has different needs. What works for one child may not be the right choice for another. As such, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of whether teenagers should be raised tightly or loosely.


Too much focus on strictness can create conflict and distance between parents and children. Teenagers who are raised under a very authoritarian upbringing can rebel and lose their own identity.

On the other hand, an overly casual approach can result in children not having clear rules and boundaries. Without a solid structure, they can feel lost and insecure.

In order for teenagers to know what their parents expect of them, they need clear boundaries and rules. These should be decided together and apply to everyone in the family.

A combination of strictness and relaxation may be the best solution. It is important to set clear rules and expectations, but also to give understanding and freedom to promote the development of self-confidence and one's own identity.

People generally want to adapt and are strongly influenced by their peers, especially during childhood and adolescence. Quarrels with parents intensify during adolescence, but when asked, most teenagers will admit that they still love and respect their parents. Friends and colleagues strongly influence their behavior and their social life is very extensive. Excluding or banning certain outings with friends can be extremely painful and have serious consequences.

The influence of parents and friends is complementary. Both are important and necessary. Young people learn from their parents: education, discipline, charity, responsibility, order and authority. And from friends: cooperation, how to gain popularity and how to develop your interaction.


Communication is an important aspect of raising teenagers. It is important to listen to them and to consider their opinions and feelings. Open and honest communication can avoid conflicts and strengthen the relationship between parents and children.

Educators advise parents to ask children for their opinions and to consider their views when deciding important family matters.


Parents should also review their own expectations and be realistic. Teenagers make mistakes and grow at their own pace. It is important to support them instead of criticizing and judging them.

Children and young people can react differently to criticism. It's important to consider their perspective and their feelings. A positive, supportive relationship between parents and children can help criticism be better received and lead to improved behavior.

Parents are not friends

Parents often try very hard to be their child's best friends. A common behavior is the chummy appearance of many parents. Experts strongly advise against it. The parents tell the children all the stories and problems in everyday life and often treat them like their peers. Firstly, the children are not grown up and secondly, they do not see their parents as best friends. Children are just not developmentally ready to understand and deal with all aspects, thought processes and problems of the adult world, although we would like to think so. Parents have responsibilities and should keep that responsibility with them.

Emotional Incest

It can manifest itself, for example, when parents prevent or control their children from friendships with their peers, encourage them excessively, do not give the child privacy, treat them like a partner and overwhelm them with it.

Emotional incest refers to a close and inappropriate emotional dependency between siblings or between parents and children that can interfere with healthy development and emotional intimacy. It is a form of emotional abuse in which a parent or sibling is emotionally abusive, manipulative, or exploitative and forms a close bond that is detrimental to the other's well-being. Emotional incest can lead to a variety of problems, including low self-esteem, emotional dependency, lack of social skills, and even depression. It is important that people who are in such a situation seek professional help to meet their emotional needs and maintain a healthy relationship with their family members.


It is important to have some parenting control to support children. However, the control should not be too strong or inappropriate, as this can affect the child's self-esteem and independence. It's important to find a healthy balance that allows the child to take responsibility and expand their freedoms while being properly guided.

It is also important to keep in mind that children have different needs and that the type and level of control that is appropriate for a child may vary from child to child. A good approach for parents is to rethink their own parenting philosophy, be open to feedback and adjustments, and always keep the best interests of the child in mind. This also means that adults should only visit their teenies in discos and other meeting places in an emergency.

Psychology refers to several stages of psychosocial evolution. One of them, according to Erikson's theory, is that teenagers between the ages of 13 and 20 work to refine their sense of self by testing different roles and then combining them into one. They oscillate between multiple identities or don't even know who they are.

Teenagers need to be allowed to experiment: behaviors, changing clothes, hairstyles, friends. This is the only way they can learn and understand who they really are. The teenager needs to test boundaries and new directions that he has not yet known or seen in the family. You also have to be patient with him, because they learn discipline, calmness and respect over time and from concrete examples. We cannot demand that our children be born disciplined, correct, attentive, and respectful, especially when we have problems in these chapters. Also, after a certain age, peers, friends, and school will have a major impact on teenage development.

What is the best way to raise teenagers?

In conclusion, there is no simple answer to the question of how is best to raise teenagers. Every child is unique and it is important to find a balance between being strict and being relaxed in order to create the best possible environment for the child's development and growth.

The parent-teenager relationship is like a dance where everyone gives and learns from each other, including parents from the children. Children are a gift and often push the very buttons that take us parents one step further in our personal development. We just have to be open and understand the messages we receive.

Puberty is an extremely difficult time for parents and children. It must be approached with care and sensitivity. There is no one-size-fits-all recipe for parenting, but a parent-child relationship based on mutual respect, unconditional love, communication, tolerance, and trust is certainly the foundation for raising a confident and happy teenager. Our children are not our projects. They have their own life and they have the right to live it the way they want! They will be fine if they have parents who are fine and if they get respect and unconditional love!
Written by Mara Schär

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