Why comparing us often makes us unhappy
Comparisons are a natural part of our lives. Since we can think, we are tending to measure ourselves with others, compare our services, successes and even our appearance with that of people around our environment or on social media. The famous saying "Comparison is the Thief of Joy" (comparison is the thief of joy) is often attributed to Mark Twain, and in fact this sentence sums up what many of us are familiar with: the constant comparison often robs us of satisfaction and satisfaction and The feeling of happiness. But why is that and what are the psychological background?
The origins of the comparison: why do we compare each other?
From an evolutionary psychological point of view, the impulse to compare us is deeply anchored. Our ancestors had to constantly evaluate how they stand in comparison to others to increase their opportunities in the community and their security. The comparison helped to recognize strengths and weaknesses, to define your own role in the group and to maximize the possibilities, to use the community as a survival network. Even today, our brain instinctively compares our skills, successes and our appearance to draw conclusions about our social behavior and our "position" in society.
The social psychologist Leon Festinger developed the Theory of social comparison, who assumes that people have an inner drive to compare themselves with others to better assess their own skills and opinions. This comparison can serve as a scale and give us orientation, but it also carries great risks.
Advantages of the comparison: orientation and motivation
Comparisons are not always harmful; They also have positive sides. A conscious comparison can offer orientation and motivation. If we see that others in areas that are important to us have achieved success, it can have an inspiring effect and inspire us to do our best too. Studies show that we set goals through such comparisons that help us to continuously develop ourselves.
An “upward comparison” (social upward comparison) can lead to the fact that we feel positive motivated and get suggestions in order to achieve our own goals. Especially if we compare ourselves with people we respect or whose values we share, the comparison can support us in accepting challenges and improving ourselves.
Disadvantages of the comparison: loss of joy and self -esteem problems
Despite these possible advantages, research shows that often comparisons have negative consequences. The psychologist Tim Kasser found that people who focus strongly on external reviews and comparisons are often more dissatisfied and feel less zest for life. Especially in today's digital world, where social media constantly presenting supposedly perfect moments of life of others, the pressure and the feeling increase increases not to be good enough.
By comparing the constant comparison, we often lose our eyes for what we have already achieved. Instead of celebrating your own success, we feel inadequate because there will always be someone who is supposedly "better". This effect is also called the "comparison paradox": While we think that the comparison motivates us, it often robs us the feeling of satisfaction and happiness at the moment.
Another disadvantage is the negative influence on self -esteem. People who often compare themselves often experience more self -doubt and low self -esteem because they define their own value by the eyes of others. This often leads to constant inner restlessness and a feeling of uncertainty.
High achivers & compare
High Achievers, i.e. people with a high claim to performance, are often under constant pressure to measure themselves against others and achieve better results. For them, the comparison is a constant companion and drive - they literally “eat” from being in competition and performing top performance. This urge to always want to be the best often begins in childhood. Many were compared with siblings, classmates or friends early and learned by measuring their value in the success of others. This shapes and increases the need for confirmation from the outside and anchors comparisons as a central motive for your own actions.
Studies on the psychological effects of comparisons
A study by the University of Michigan showed that people who tend to compare themselves with others show more depressive symptoms and feel less life satisfaction. The participants reported that the comparison often feels that they are less successful or happy, although there are no objective reasons for it.
Another study by the University of Copenhagen found that "scrolling" on social media triggers stress and dissatisfaction with many people. Here it became clear that comparing, especially in the digital environment, often promotes a negative self -image and the feeling increases that one's life is not "good enough".
How can we break through the vicious circle of the comparison?
The first step to break away from the constant comparison is awareness of this behavior. As soon as we catch ourselves that we compare ourselves with others, we can pause and ask ourselves whether this comparison is really going on. Instead of measuring us from the supposed successes of others, it helps to set your own goals that motivate us independently of external reviews.
Another tip is to focus on gratitude. Studies show that regular practice of gratitude increases well -being and helps us appreciate the little things more in life. When we focus on our own success and positive experiences, we often lose the need to constantly compete with others.
However, comparisons are a double -edged sword: they can be both toxic and healthy. A certain degree of comparison can be motivating and orientation by looking "upwards" and setting goals or looking "down" to see your own progress. But it is a tightrope walk. In a success society in which only growth and development count, it is difficult for many to remain realistic and grateful for their own achievements. The pressure to grow and develop constantly makes it impossible to feel satisfaction. In order to counteract this, it is essential to find a balance: to be inspired by comparisons without completely making your own self -esteem.
Ultimately, it is about recognizing ourselves as unique and appreciating the diversity of human experiences and life paths. Everyone has their own history, their own challenges and strengths. If we learn to find the joy and happiness in our own life, regardless of external standards, we can free ourselves from the trap of the constant comparison and lead a more fulfilling, more satisfied life.
Sources:
Festinger, L. (1954) - A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7 (2), 117–140.
In this basic work, the theory of social comparison is introduced and explains why people have the need to compare themselves with others.
Kasser, T. (2002) - The High Price of Materialism. Cambridge, MA: with press.
This study examines the negative effects of external ratings and shows how comparative struts can affect life satisfaction and psychological well -being.
University of Michigan (2010) - The effects of social comparison on self-perception.
This study showed that people who often compare themselves with others are rather depressed and feel less life satisfaction.
Tromholt, M. (2016) - The Facebook Experiment: Does Social Media Affect the Quality of Our Lives? University of Copenhagen.
In this study, the negative effects of social media were examined on self -esteem and life satisfaction. This shows that the tendency to compare yourself online can strongly influence psychological well -being.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003) - Counting Blessing Versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratude and Subjective Well-Burg in Daily Life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84 (2), 377–389.
This study shows how gratitude exercises can increase well -being and increase life satisfaction - an important factor to counteract the negative effects of comparison.
Seligman, M.E. P. (2002) - Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment. New York: Free Press.
Seligman describes how positive psychology can help us concentrate on our own successes and goals and thus reduce the need for comparison.
